You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
