I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just threw up on my dentist
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
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Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.