That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.