Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.