he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
