so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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