It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
