i think my tv is drunk
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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