haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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