problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
