he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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