we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He did a backflip because drugs
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize