I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
