You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
