I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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