God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
