dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
