Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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