i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
