Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
