I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Duck Duck Cougar?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
