absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
