tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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