So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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