so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
