i think my mom watched the whole time
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
