An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
