hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
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I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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