question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
