Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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