Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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