Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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