Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so let's talk penis.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
