I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
