this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
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Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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