I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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