So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
