You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
