Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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