Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
