There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
