dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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