i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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