Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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