I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
