I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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