Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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