The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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