Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
