so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
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I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
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Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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