And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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