This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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