She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize