i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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