I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
