i just sent this text using only my big toe
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
