There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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