i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
