32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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