Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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