if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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