i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize