My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
