I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
