i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
