note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
