So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
